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Showing posts from July, 2020

A Christmas Wish

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 Dear love of my life, It's been a true emotional rollercoaster trying to figure myself out. Why I do the things I do and why I keep running circles with my emotional unavailability. And the only constant thought I never really managed to shake off the back of my mind is you. And that didn't even start with the first night we spent together, which was monumental in itself. No, it started way before that. It started the first moment my retina captured the sight of you that day at the bank when time stood still and the atom was split. And then my brain couldn't erase it. And even though at that time the possibility of me and you was only a fantasy, it eventually came true. But then I lost you and I've been searching for you ever since. And no matter how much time has passed, somehow I keep a door open for the posibility that maybe, just maybe one day I will wake up and see that beautiful smile of yours next to me.  Meanwhile I keep drowning myself in a sea of pointless pu...

Talk to the hand!

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You know that one time when you were talking to a girl, vibing, feeling confident, having a few laughs, hunting for that perfect moment that catch her gaze while leaning in to kiss those perfect soft lips and when you're almost there, BAM! she gives you the cheek? Rejection. One of the harshest feelings that you can ever come across. It's something that kinda puts you down on multiple levels. Not only do you not obtain what you long for, but it also makes you doubt yourself. When it comes to women, being rejected adds a third dimention to the equation, because once you have been rejected by one woman, all the other women in the proximity will label you instantly as a defective product. It's like instant bad karma. All they see now is red flags and they all want to get the fuck away from you. When that usually happens what you do is try again, which of course leads to more rejection. You see, there's a loop which you can't escape until you literally run, or th...