A Christmas Wish

 Dear love of my life,


It's been a true emotional rollercoaster trying to figure myself out. Why I do the things I do and why I keep running circles with my emotional unavailability. And the only constant thought I never really managed to shake off the back of my mind is you. And that didn't even start with the first night we spent together, which was monumental in itself. No, it started way before that. It started the first moment my retina captured the sight of you that day at the bank when time stood still and the atom was split. And then my brain couldn't erase it. And even though at that time the possibility of me and you was only a fantasy, it eventually came true. But then I lost you and I've been searching for you ever since. And no matter how much time has passed, somehow I keep a door open for the posibility that maybe, just maybe one day I will wake up and see that beautiful smile of yours next to me. 

Meanwhile I keep drowning myself in a sea of pointless pussy trying to fill that void you left. Oddly enough, as I write this, I keep hearing Hank Moody's voice for, the same as him, I am on a perpetual mission to reconnect with the love of my life, as you are my Karen. And no amount of galavanting will change that, no matter how hard I try, because I now realised that you are the only one whom I've ever loved. Witness to that is every thought that comes to my mind constantly. Everytime I hear a song on the radio, every morning  I drive out of the garage on the street you used to drive by or every sunset I watch on my balcony thinking how I used to scream "Hello poor people, how are you? I don't care!" That shit takes a toll on a man. And I now know I will never be complete. Not without you.

So here I am, in front of the keyboard, waiting hopelessly for a Christmas miracle that may never come. But I haven't lost hope. Not yet.

Yours loving, King J.




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